


Spade of Reason

by Mishaa



Series: House of Cards [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishaa/pseuds/Mishaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tried to pretend Kuroko wasn't there - tried so hard to think of him as nothing more than another opponent - like they didn't share a million and one memories with each other, because Aomine's heart couldn't take seeing his shadow with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spade of Reason

_He hates how Kuroko just had to be the voice of reason; how all his actions were calculated and that there is always an explanation to it. It kept Aomine up, kept him wondering: why, why, why did Tetsu leave?_

_:+:_

 

You find yourself back to your old routine of skipping practice to sneak off for a nap on the roof. When you get there, the day is bright and the wind is blowing, and you can’t seem to fall asleep. Instead, you spend your time lazily watching the clouds drift by. You watch the different shapes and sizes (that one looks like an elephant, you note) drift by, floating in a wayward direction in the sky, and you wonder if your life is like theirs – aimless, unbearable, and suffocatingly boring.

 

You watch the light shine on the clouds – how it makes them appear to havelight blue halos – the same light blue as Tetsu’s eyes and hair. You laugh at the irony of it. Everyone thought Tetsu was a mere shadow – that he couldn’t exist without your light, but you knew the truth: you couldn’t exist without Tetsu because it is for Tetsu’s shadow that you shine. It is Tetsu who makes you want to play – who makes you want to shine and you shine to keep Tetsu’s shadow alive.

 

You don’t know how much time has passed, except that the sun has moved significantly past the horizon. You hear the roof door opening, and hastily drape your jacket over your face and place your arm over your eyes. You lock your jacket into place, completely blocking out the light. Hopefully Satsuki will think you’re asleep and take pity on you for once. You’ve heard that your charm increases when you don’t speak.

 

You hear footsteps approach you and settle beside you. A plastic cup is set beside your head. ‘Vanilla milkshake again?’ you think, relieved that it isn't Satsuki. Tetsu, you can deal with. Tetsu will understand. Tetsu always understands. You muse over telling him you prefer popsicles, but you figure he wouldn’t take the insult to his precious milkshake too lightly and you want to be on his good side today so he’ll let you continue to ditch practice.

 

Tetsu does not say anything and the silence is deafening. You are too impatient to play his game of silence, so you decide to break it yourself.

 

“Go away, Tetsu. I already told Satsuki I didn’t want to practice.”

 

You actually enjoy talking with him – he’s less frustrating than the other members and you're hoping to bait him into a long conversation. Recently, you’ve noticed he’s been less and less responsive, probably because it was almost the end of their third year of middle school. You know he's probably stressing over the possibility of getting denied admission to Touou; you badly want to tell him not to worry, because he is a member of The Generation of Miracles and no school that takes pride in its basketball team would deny him. But then he’d only start to narrate about how he could only be sure of his grades – that his basketball wasn’t very good. You hate that side of Tetsu – you hate hearing him belittle his basketball, the basketball you love so much, and so you avoid the topic altogether.

 

You don’t hear a reply – only footsteps getting fainter and further away. You feel a surge of panic, and before you know it, you've thrown off the jacket, alert on your feet. “Wait!”

 

You look around, but you see no one. You stand, frozen in place, with your arms outstretched, a desperate, pitiful look on your face. You realize you’re panting and suddenly, find yourself frantically looking for any signs of Tetsu. Your heart catches in your throat when you see a vanilla shake beside you, until you remember you brought that before coming up to Touou’s roof. Tears start flowing freely out of your eyes because Tetsu’s isn’t there – he was never there, he’s no longer with you, no longer playing with you. Instead, he’s in a different school, in a different team, with a different light and you’re reminded that for all your achievements and skill, you're still replaceable to Tetsu.

 

You pull your knees together and huddle, making yourself as small as you can, hopelessly trying to erase your existence because at that moment, you truly despise yourself. How could you have let him go like that? Would things be the same if you had asked him what was wrong? If you hadn’t simply assumed that everything was all right? What if you hadn’t just believed that Tetsu would turn to you with all his problems as you turn to him with all of yours?

 

You trained and played with determination, but soon lost your love for the game as you started to win.  Somehow, you believed that winning was the key to keeping Tetsu by your side. As long as you shone brighter than anyone else, he wouldn’t even think of finding another light, because you were the best there was. You lost your love for the game as you reached the top. No one could beat you now, and you shouldn't have feared losing Tetsu to anyone else, but that’s exactly what happened. He lost his love for you, as you lost your love for the game.

 

Was that what your relationship come down to? You wanted to believe differently. You wanted to believe that it was deeper than mere basketball. You wanted to believe that he loved you as you loved him – not as best friends, and not as mere partners on the court...

 

But you were wrong-- Tetsu’s love only extended to your basketball, and when you lost that, you lost him too.

 

You were angry at first--- no-- you were shocked-- disbelieving. When Satsuki came and told you Tetsu filed and submitted his form of resignation, you didn’t believe her. You told her, that her researching has become rusty and that her information was incorrect-- it had to be. Tetsu? The same Tetsu, who loved basketball more than anyone, would leave the team just as they reached their prime? It was preposterous! You laughed at her, but the tears only fell harder on her flushed cheeks and she’s looking at you with this pitiful look on her face, as if you were a child who had just found out their favorite toy was stolen.

 

You told her it wasn’t funny anymore, and that she wasn't fooling you. You willed for the tears to stop, but they didn't and fear overwhelmed you. You told her: "No, no, that’s not possible, just wait and see," because someone clearly played a prank on her, but the words sounded hollow to your ears because it wasn’t impossible after all. You flashback to how he had been the past month and dread washed over you.

 

You rushed to Akashi, shoving a lot of people on the way. You found him in the library with Murasakibara. He took one look at you and knew what you were there for and the only thing he told you was that it was true; Tetsu did resign from the team.

 

You clenched your fists and seethed, stomping around the hallway looking for Tetsu. After an hour of relentless searching, but not finding him in the places he might’ve been at, you gave up. You flooded him with phone calls but none got through. You, Satsuki, and Kise attempted cornering him at his house, but even when you guys did that, he didn’t answer.

 

It was the last week of middle school, and you hadn’t seen him since. He skipped all of his classes and didn’t even attend the graduating ceremony. For once, you hated the good grades and lack of presence that allowed him to pull that off.

 

The last time you remember seeing him was just before Satsuki told you he resigned and you were on the roof, lying beneath the shade of the water tank, as you are now. You heared the roof door open and footsteps approaching you – just like you had the last time you had seen him.

 

Except then, the real Tetsu showed up and, to your surprise, hands you a popsicle instead of a milk shake. You raise your brow at that but make note of his sweat-soaked appearance and assume he had run out of the school to buy it, in celebration of their admission to Touou. You had received your approval letter this morning and assumed Tetsu did as well.

 

You take the popsicle from him and offer your towel, patting the spot beside you. He only takes the towel, wiping his face with it. He surprises you with what he does next.

 

“Thank you, Aomine-kun!” he exclaims, bowing low and formally. You are dumbstruck. You knew he was proper, but you didn’t think he was that proper. You only offer him a spot beside you.

 

You fumble with your next words, unsure of what to say. Tentatively, you ask him if he has any plans to get out of that formal stance and sit beside you. He tells you no thanks and with a painful smile, he leaves, running.

 

“Goodbye, Daiki.”

 

It was faint, but you definitely heard it. You splutter and stumble after him, but by the time you get around the tank, he is gone and you are left with a red face and a dumb grin.

 

Looking back, you hate how stupid you must have looked and how stupid you were for not chasing after him. You wonder what would have happened if you had, and shake your head after a moment. You didn’t need anymore reasons to hate yourself. You didn’t want to start blaming yourself for his sudden exit – God knows, Kise and Satsuki had enough self-loathing for the rest of the team.

 

The summer just before your freshman year in high school, you secretly hoped-- just a little-- that Tetsu was just PMS-ing and that he’d show up on the first day at Touou, just like they had planned. The first week of class started off like that as well; with you convincing yourself that Tetsu was probably sick (you should drop by his house and check if he’s okay) or that he probably lost his way (you should go pick him up the next morning and then you could walk to school together).

 

By the second week, Satsuki tells you Tetsu was in another team – in a no-name school that sounded like Seiryuu or something. At least she spares you the details – doesn’t tell you he replaced you and found a new light-- oh no, you figure that out yourself when you see him – Kagami Taiga (what a stupid name that is) playing against Kise and receiving Tetsu’s passes and synchronizing with Tetsu in a way that you thought only you could (to save yourself some dignity, you notice that he doesn’t completely sync with him and that they couldn’t get into the zone together like he and Tetsu could).

 

It’s then that you felt hate for Tetsu for the first time. Tetsu could elicit numerous emotions from you – admiration, love, friendship, jealousy (especially when Kise embraces him – that dick knows you hate it and does it just to fucking annoy you) – but this was the first time you have ever felt hate towards the blue haired boy.

 

You hate him for leaving you. You hate him for not even explaining why. He could have done that to the rest of the team, but you thought you were special to him and that hurt the most; that you, to him, were nothing more than a teammate.

 

But for all that hate, you forget about every single ounce of love you felt for him and you hate that even more. Because while he could replace you and find another light – hug another, laugh with another, and kiss another – you couldn’t do the same, because Tetsu holds, and will always hold a special place in your heart.

 

If there was someone you hated more than anything, it was Kagami Taiga. What made that huge lobster think he could even come close to the Generation of Miracles? What made Tetsu think he could ever match you when Kise was a challenge for him? (no offense to Kise, but he is pretty easy.) What makes him think he’ll be good enough for Tetsu when you, yourself weren’t good enough for him? He probably thinks Tetsu will go against the world for him. Well guess what buddy? Tetsu’s promised that to me first.

 

It was a stab to the heart – Tetsu picking that Neanderthal as his new light. Did he hold that low a regard for you? Did he think you’d be fine with him picking someone weaker than you? It was as if Tetsu was mocking your skill. All your victories and all your accomplishments – done for his sake, were worth nothing to him.

 

You hate Kagami Taiga so much. You want to crush him. Pound him and reduce him to nothing. To crush all his dreams of ever beating you-- you forward to your game against Seirin.

 

You knew going against Seirin would mean meeting Tetsu again, and though that scared you shitless, you were excited to crush the hopes of his new light-- to utterly destroy him. Conflicted emotions ran through you on the day, but you showed up and you saw Tetsu and for the first time since you became partners, the look Tetsu gives you, has no sign of love. He looked at you with empty eyes; an unreadable expression. There was no hate-- not even an ounce of regret for what he’d done. For what he made you feel.

 

It made your chest constrict, and it had taken all your willpower to resist the urge of pulling the small boy into your arms. You desperately wanted to hold him; to tell him you forgave him-- that you’d always forgive him, and you’d do anything to get him back. You caught sight of him bumping fists with the red headed idiot and manage to hold yourself back. How could he?! How could he?! Fist bumping was their thing. No one else in the team would do that because everyone knew it was their thing. He hadn’t done that with anyone since. How could Tetsu do that to him?!

 

So during the break, you glanced at Tetsu with the coldest look you could muster, but that didn’t stop him from talking to you. Hearing his voice, addressing you-- talking to you-- made your heart beat faster (just like it always had), and you clenched your fists and harden your stare, not allowing him to see even a bit of the emotions you held for him. You wanted him to believe you completely despised him, and that you didn’t miss him a bit.

 

You tried to focus at anything but Tetsu and his new light; tried and failed. Each time you snuck a glance, you clenched your fists harder and drew out some blood. Satsuki patched you up quickly, not bothering to ask what happened because she knew.

 

You attempted to ignore Tetsu throughout the game, and succeeded-- somewhat. You didn’t play your best at first because seeing him receive Tetsu’s pass hurt badly, but then it didn’t matter because you were leading anyway. You scoffed at Tetsu and Kagami but then his new light found a way to keep up, and though you still hated him to the core, you had fun playing against Kagami.

 

You saw the determination he played with and understood why Tetsu picked him, and for once, you felt a little better. You still hated his guts, but at least not as much. You didn’t feel like pulling an Akashi and stabbing him, at least.

 

Seeing them still hurts, however, because you still love him with all your heart. You miss him so much that  you hallucinate his presence.

 

Your tears have stopped flowing and you take a look at the vanilla milk shake beside you. You pick it up and take a tentative sip. If Tetsu asked you how it tasted a few years ago, you’d tease him and say it was mediocre. But Tetsu’s seen through every one of your lies and knows you love the drink. He probably knows the only reason you love it is because he loves it, too.

**Author's Note:**

> A million and one kisses to [jAyesque](http://fanfiction.net/~jayesque) for actually bothering to proofread for me. :)


End file.
